Ash Wednesday and Lent

Happy Wednesday folks!  Happy Ash Wednesday to be exact!  I am not Catholic...or Baptist or Methodist or...  What I am is an imperfect child of God.  I am imperfect in many ways...I sin daily.  But He loves me anyway. He is quick to forgive me when I fail and sincerely repent.  And trust me...I fail a lot.  (and if you are sitting there reading this thinking how wonderful and amazing you are and how you never ever sin you might want to repent for lying to yourself because you just did.)  When I was in college I celebrated the season of Lent for the first time.  I didn't observe it for many years after that (I got caught up in life) but last year my husband and I each gave up something or things in observance.  Up until that year in college I didn't even know Lent existed, much less what it was.  I had to take a Christian Beliefs class as a general education requirement for the college I went to and believe me when I tell you that I learned a lot.  I also discovered that I like many aspects of many religions and I incorporate the ones I like into my life.  Yes, I attend church (not as often as I should but...).  I enjoy church.  However, I do not like to label myself as one specific religion...as I said before, I am only an imperfect child of God trying to make it through this life one day at a time.  I practice what feels right and I incorporate those practices and beliefs that make sense to me into my life.  Lent is one of my favorite times of the year.  I love the idea of it.  I love the newness and rededication it brings.  I love the cleansing.  For Lent I (personally) give up something or things (depending on the year) that I feel I've become almost attached to.  I give up that which I feel is polluting me.  I give it up starting the day after Ash Wednesday and I do not indulge in what I've given up until Easter Sunday (which happens to be one of my favorite days!).  This year I have decided to give up fast food and sweets.  Yes...I am a fitness lover.  Yes...I try not to eat too crappy most of the time.  BUT...fast food and sweets still creep in from time to time (more often than they should) and lately it seems they show up more and more and I find myself reaching for them.  I feel like it's getting a bit much...time to de pollute (yes, you read that right...I made up a new word...again).  So...for this season of Lent I am throwing out fast food and sweets.  Best believe on Easter I will tear up a Reese's Egg and a Cadbury Egg (LOVE them!).  So...how about you...do you observe the season of Lent?  If not, why not try it this year?  And if so, what are you eliminating from your life for the next 40 days?  Happy Wednesday...if you stretch really far and peak around the corner you can see Friday! 

No Catchy Title Here...

I really tried to come up with a catchy title but couldn't...so Happy Wednesday!  You know what I find offensive?  No?  Well my little Reese's Cups, let me tell you.  I find it VERY offensive when someone asks me if I've had weight loss surgery.  It's like they assume that because you've lost a lot of weight that you've had a lapband or gastric bypass or something.  Uuuummmmm...no.  And in case you've had WLS and think I'm all against it or something I'm not so get your little band out of a twist and listen to my point of view.  I think some people genuinely need WLS.  I think WLS can be a good thing if used as a tool and not an easy escape.  I know people who have had WLS and still do the same things they did before...they eat and eat and eat and never work out and, as a result, never lose weight (shocking I know!).  Here's my opinion (cause I know you care)...I think that you have to TRY (really really try...not halfway try and then get all frustrated because you can't figure you why you're not losing weight when you're only eating one box of oreos a week instead of two).  You have to change your lifestyle...you have to eat less and move more.  You have to make a mental decision to do it and actually do it.  Now, if you have honestly tried and still don't get the results you want then by all means think about surgery...but only if you use it as a tool.  I thought about WLS a few times when I was at my heaviest but I never did it.  You know why?  Number one, I wasn't ready to lose weight with or without surgery. I had no intentions of changing my lifestyle.  I knew it wouldn't work for me so I steered clear.  Number two, I feel like if I didn't actually make the decision to do something about my weight and actually try to eat less and move more and get the surgery anyway and it actually work then I would have never known what I was capable of without WLS.  Does that make sense?  Almost like I would have cheated myself.  I worked hard to be where I am right now.  I busted my hiney.  I've shed lots of tears and prayed lots of prayers.  And I appreciate what it took to get where I am now.  It makes every workout sweeter, every mile ran that much more amazing.  I'm thankful that I did this the traditional way because I know where I came from and where I am what it took to get here.  That is why I get offended when someone asks if I've had WLS.  That's why I get aggravated at those that think WLS is an easy way out.  I'm not against it but I'm not a fan.  Don't underestimate yourself...put forth the effort, challenge yourself, do something and you'll change.  Afterall, if it doesn't challenge you it doesn't change you.  There you have it, my opinion (and it was free...everyone loves free stuff!) 

Sceltdown

Yes, I said Sceltdown.  No, I didn't misspell anything.  You don't know what a Sceltdown is???  How shocking since I just made it up (told you I was the master of genius terms).  A Sceltdown is much like a Meltdown with the only difference being it happens upon stepping on the scale.  (Scale+Meltdown=Sceltdown).  I weigh everyday.  Every. Single. Day.  I get directly out of bed, hit the bathroom, remove all clothing and step on the scale...everyday.  I know some of you just gasped.  I mean, isn't that the cardinal sin of weight loss?  Aren't you supposed to only weigh like once a week?  Sorry to be the mold breaker but this chick weighs every day.  Period.  So yesterday my scale was up 1.4 pounds.  I accepted it like a responsible adult because I did indulge in some of my parent's cooking the night before kind of late.  And it had some extra salt thrown on it.  I knew what I was doing, I knew I would regret it but I sucked it up and put that chow in my tummy because it was good.  I also knew that the number on the scale reflected food in my body...not actual fat.  Yesterday I was good (mostly)...went to Zumba, burned calories, ate okay...blah blah blah.  And what greets me this morning?  A 0.8 pound gain.  (I know right now some of you are rolling your eyes at me thinking I'm a lunatic.  It's my brain and it will react how it wants to any kind of gain.  Don't like it?  Take your cookie and crumble on out the door.)  So I had a Sceltdown.  Tears were involved.  That's 2.2 pounds in 2 days.  I know it's not fat...I know I haven't done damage.  BUT...that part of me that's a little south of sanity sees a gain as a gain as a gain no matter what.  Realistically I know it's probably water retention or some other body odd that I have no control of but I still hate it...I still freak out about it....I still see the 261 pound girl when I look in the mirror.  I'm human, what can I say?  (Oh, you're not human???  Then you should probably take your Twinkies and board the mothership back to planet Moron...I'm sure they miss you).  So...it's been a bad body image day for me.  I hate what I see in the mirror and it has really dominated my day.  I hate to admit that but it's the truth.  Now...sit there and act like you're not a slave to the scale.  I dare you.

Kicked In The Face

Last night's kickboxing class was rough.  Chase that with an hour of Zumba and you have a sweaty, exhausted mess.  I LOVE feeling like that!  (Oh, you hate to sweat.  How Sad.  You should probably take your cinnamon roll and move onto another blog).  Do you ever have random thoughts just floating through your head?  No?  How Precious.  I am full of random nonsense today and since I'm such a giver I thought I'd share.  Here we go...
1.I hate it when all the sugar in my coffee settles on the bottom of the cup!  YUCK!  I don't use a lot of sugar and normally this is not an issue but today?  Of course it's an issue today.  Is it too much to expect my sugar to melt in the hot, hot, hot coffee before it goes to the bottom???  Did I grab the plus size sugar or something???  Why does it have to sink?  Gross!
2.  I read a couple of articles about 'mixed-weight' couples yesterday.  Amazing pieces of truth!  I had to share them with my husband.  It was like going back to the beginning of last year with a new set of eyes.  Google them.  Read them.  (BTW...how genius is the term 'mixed-weight'.  Basically it's when one spouse is heavier than the other.  I thought I was the only one that could come up with terms of genius!)
3.  I am having a salad for lunch today.  There will be lemon pepper chicken involved.  Some crouton sacrifices will be made.  Ranch will be my weapon of choice.  I am way too excited about this!
4.  Speaking of croutons...those things are Satan's Mistresses!  Seriously!  I was packing up my lunch stuff last night (you know, cause I'm all prepared like that) and put some of these guys in a baggie.  I had to sample some.  Then I had to go back to the cabinet and sample some more.  Finally I just grabbed the whole damn bag and proceeded to crunch and munch for a good solid ten minutes.  I dominated those things.  I still have some left...until I get home.  Damn you, you little pieces of seasoned stale bread goodness!!! 
5.  I have no desire to be a Tough Mudder.  No. Desire. Whatsoever.  I entertained the idea there for a month or so.  Then I watched a documentary.  Electric shocks?  No thanks!  Running up halfpipes while wet?  Uuuummmm, no.  I sort of like my shins and want to keep them in one piece.  Arctic enemas?  Not. Happening.  More electric shocks?  Absolutely not!  I'll stick to my Zombie Runs and half marathons thank you very much.
6.  I have super bony ears.  No joke.  They get sore when I lay on them for too long.  I must have done some heavy sleeping last night cause those little guys be feeling a little bruised today.
That's it guys!  My brain is empty now and I might actually get some work done.  Happy Tuesday!  :)

Goal Making Monday

Monday...again...already.  I dread Mondays like the plage and I really have no idea why...it's inevitable and once it's over we're one day closer to Friday.  Still, Mondays are tough.  However, with Monday comes the idea of a fresh week where we can decide what it is we want to accomplish in the next five days and bust our hineys to do just that.  Monday brings a sense of newness.  Therefore, I have dubbed Mondays as "Goal Making Monday".  Each Monday I'm gonna make three goals I want to accomplish by Friday.  Sounds like I'm motivated doesn't it?  Don't get too excited.  I'm pretty sure it's just a way to make Friday get here quicker.  Let's begin shall we?
1.  Finish the book I am reading. 
     I have been working on a book for the last month and a half.  It's a good book.  I enjoy reading.  I haven't finished it yet and have no real excuse other than I haven't been in the mood.  This week I want to finish it for no other reason than I'm tired of looking at the thing.  It follows me from room to room, table to table and there it sits until I decide to read and take it with me only to get distracted with something else.  So...goal number one is to finish the thing this week.
2.  Wrap up three projects at work. 
     I am constantly working on projects.  It's a neverending sea of spreadsheets and numbers.  I have three right now that are looming on the horizon.  They're not due yet and I don't want to go over the deadline.  I'm trying to stay on top of it in 2013.  In order to do that I need to wrap up January in January.
3.  Be more positive and laid back in my life.
     I have been called a pessimist.  I disagree.  I am a realist.  I tend to look on the not so bright side of things because I don't want to get all excited about something only for it to end in a not so awesome way.  I spend my time in a perpetual state of worry and I'm always on guard.  That does not give me the right to snap at everyone I come into contact with just because I think they should already know the answer to what they are asking or because I don't want to help them find or do this or do that.  It's not fair and it makes me not even like myself.  (Oh, you don't ever get grouchy and hateful?  You don't ever get uptight and lash out at those you love?  Well, aren't you just the perfect specimen of God's creation.  You should probably go have a cupcake and educate others on the ways of the world.)  I am a human...a VERY imperfect human.  My husband pays for this more than any other person I know and I feel sorry for him sometimes.  There's no reason for me to answer every question or reply to every remark with some hateful growl all because I'm not feeling like rainbows and butterflies.  It's not his fault...period.  I don't want my son to grow up being as uptight and worried as me.  To give him an example then I have to be one.  I have to learn how to let things go and just enjoy the moment.  I am always thinking about what comes next...what tomorrow is going to bring.  The reality is that I don't know what it's gonna bring and it's none of my business anyway.  Sure, I make plans...that's the only way you can create a little structure...but life doesn't stop because plans change.  All I have is the one moment I am living in and I have to enjoy it or let it pass in a fit of worry...think I'll start enjoying it.  This is more of a life goal but you gotta start somewhere and today seems like a good day to do it.
So there you have it, my three goals for the week.  What goals are you gonna set today? 
OH...before I close this life altering piece of work I'll let you in on a revelation of sorts I had on Saturday morning!  Every Saturday morning my Sole Sisters and I get together for a run.  We pound out a little over a 5K and it's always awesome and I look forward to it every week.  We had a small ice storm Friday.  Nothing horrible but enough to make me stay in all day and night.  But that was Friday.  We run on Saturdays.  Saturday was cold but not horrible and my car was no longer in igloo state and because we are the beasts we are we didn't cancel our run.  I packed up Carl (my MP3 player) and my hood and gloves.  I put on my cold gear under my clothes.  I was ready.  Until I wasn't.  I got to the spot, ate my little pre run protein thing, put on my hood, put my earbuds in and we started walking across the parking lot.  I learned really quick that I am not a penguin.  As much as I love those little flightless creatures, as much as I feel like I relate to them on some wierd (probably creepy) level, I am not one of them.  It's a hard thing for this girl to digest but I have accepted the cold hard fact.  It was a slow 3.43 miles...2 of those were walked while avoiding the black ice, the rest ended up being a "trail run" where we ran along the edge of the pavement.  It was awesome and I loved every second of it...but I'm hoping there is no ice this Saturday so I can pound it out.  Some days you got it and some days black ice makes you slow.  It happens.  Happy Monday :)

Workout Whore?!?!?!?!

It took a while, after throwing out the blog idea, for me to be able to actually sit down and compose a proper post.  Thanks to the current ice storm I can do just that.  The first thing people do when I say I'm a workout whore is look at me in disgust and then ask (in that "OMG you are so damaged" voice) "Why?!?!?!?!"  Uuuuummmmmmmm....because I am.  Because I LOVE to workout.  Because I can't get enough liquid sparkle (sweat).  Because I am addicted to fitness.  Because I enjoy it.  Because I like feeling good and being able to run up some stairs without popping a lung.  Really, the list goes on and on.  If you could see where I was last February, you would understand.  I used to be a Food Whore.  I used to weigh 261 pounds.  I used to not be able to walk up ten steps without sweating and feeling the angel of death nipping at my heels.  So what made me want to change?  A lot.  My life was falling apart.  My body was falling apart.  I was diagnosed with a disease that can only be put in remission by losing weight and becoming active.  If not put in remission it can make you go blind and really, the thought of not seeing my child grow up and graduate and get married and have babies, etc. devastated me!  I was very unhappy with me.  So I went to Zumba.  I thought I was going to Zumba through the Pearly Gates.  I didn't love it.  BUT...I didn't hate it either.  So I went back.  And then I went again.  And again.  Now...I can't imagine NOT going.  I love it.  I love kickboxing and boot camp and toning and RUNNING!!!  If someone had said to me then that on January25th 2013 you'll be 82 pounds lighter than you are walking into your first Zumba class in February 2012 I would have laughed at them and finished my donuts.  I would have blessed their hearts and went to Pizza Hut.  Why?  I didn't believe in me.  I was scared that I couldn't do it.  So I did what everyone does when they're scared of failure, I went to Huddle House and had a waffle (that is what everyone else does, right?  No?!?!?  Okay, fine.)  I knew I had to do it...I had no choice.  I was killing myself slowly and wasn't even looking pretty on the way out.  Once I started seeing what my body could do I was hooked.  It took a minute but when I could make it through an hour of Zumba without my lungs being on fire I wanted more.  So I started running.  I hated it.  It sucked.  So what did I do?  Well, fat girl wanted to quit and have a Snicker but my inner skinny girl drop kicked her and kept running.  Now I'm addicted to that too...I ran a couple 5K's last year and even a half marathon.  Now It's my goal to do 13 races in 2013.  I just kept adding new things and fell in love with them all.  I love the feeling of being covered in liquid sparkle (sweat), out of breath and still going.  Still wanting to move more.  Still wanting to go faster.  Still wanting to go further.  I can honestly say that I am a different person now.  I don't even know the girl I used to be.  Sure, every now and then she rears her ugly head and screams for a cinnamon roll but I punch her in the face and go on.  I don't always make perfect choices and occasionally I have a donut but I am so far from where I used to be.  Another thing I've learned, it's better to be fit than skinny any day!  I love muscles!  I love definition!  I love being strong!  It's a work in progress.  I'm far from where I want to be but I keep going day after day and eventually I'll get there.  If it happenend overnight then I wouldn't appreciate all the hard work I put into it.  So there you have it, the short version of where I came from and where I am now.  Where she stops no one knows!  I have no goal weight...when I get there I'll know.  Until then I enjoy working out and seeing what I am capable of.  Until next time...don't stop!  When you feel like your lungs are gonna explode...do it all over again!  :)